Preparations

In keeping with the approaching New Year Holiday I would like to present a series of posts. They shall go as follows: Preparations, Reflections, Beginnings. I'm pretty sure this should all be quite self explanatory.

Last year things were very different. I'm not going to go into it so much because that's the next installment, but last year I made myself a "New Years Resolutions" list that I promptly ignored because my situation changed and it no longer felt right.

This year I'm thinking much more about it and want to establish some good goals for myself. I want them to be things that I'll actually be motivated to follow through with. And even more awesomely I want them to be things that will generate self improvement.

I only have a few ideas so far:

Firstly I turn back to my old financial obsession and I intend to pay off one of my student loans. Way back during the college enrollment and preparations my father decided that my having a student loan was a good way to build credit (and also probably a good way to not have them completely hand life to me on a platter). So he had me, rather haphazardly, just sign up for the amount that we qualified for under the AES rules. I've been paying back the minimum required amount for about a year now. And a commonly held school of thought indicates that it is not financially viable to pay off student loans early, because of their favorable terms (ask me if you want to know the full logic), but I'm ignoring that. I figure that I should be able to without much problem at all pay off my 3 loans (one for each year of school) one per year. [bonus I totally found a new awesome blog that gives a link to specific directions for setting up sidebars - yay!].

Secondly I want to log 1000 miles on my bike. Quite simple and straight forward. Shouldn't be a problem given the amounts I was doing by the end of the summer this year.

And that's actually all that I've come up with. I'm trying to think of more awesome things becuase I'm pretty sure those two should be easy. But everything else I think of seems questionable:
Having a goal of the month - would I actually follow through?
Trying to accomplish the larger significant other thing - seems to important of a matter to be trivializing down into a list of goals.
And in general I don't want to list out silly little things like I did last year.

Ah well.

maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.

I love Christmas. As with most things I couldn't honestly tell you exactly why. There are many things that make the whole Holiday Season bright. The festive decorations, multitude of crafts, general good cheer, time off, time for family, time for traditions, oh how I love traditions, carols, music, singing in German, candle light, and tasty food. All very good reasons. I'm sure there are more.

Opening presents this year I was excited to find that my parents had taken my list and followed it quite well. And so I received some particularly useful things that I have been itching for: an Entertainment coupon book, a long sleeved leotard (in blue!), penguin skate dishware, a knitting needle set. And as an added bonus I even received a purely fun and superfluous gift of Guitar Hero II. Woohoo. I'm excited.

But in the end I hate focusing on the presents. I was a bit on the anti social side. I'm the only 'youth' of the family that's around for these shin-digs these days. And it can get lonely. Special events always make me long for that one special significant other.

Luckily enough for me at some point A called and left a message (my battery had died) and said that he'd been thinking about me and missed me. I heard this and melted. I like him so much and it's freaking me out to no end because it makes me paranoid. But he left me a sweet message.

It is indeed a Merry Christmas.

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit, He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it! "Pooh-Pooh to the Whos!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming. "They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!" "They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!" "Their mouths will hang open a minute or two Then the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry Boo-Hoo!"

"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply MUST hear!" So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry! It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Who-ville! The Grinch popped his eyes! Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, Was singing! Without any presents at all!

He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME! Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow, Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?" "It came with out ribbons! It came without tags!" "It came without packages, boxes or bags!" And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! "Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store." "Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

Water for Elephants

A few weeks ago I had a hankering to hear a good bell choir. There are many reasons why this most likely came about, but they are insignificant. So after doing some research I determined that there was going to be a Free Bell choir and Harp concert at a somewhat nearby library. And as a bonus I've had it on my checklist to check out this library for quite a while. On the calendar it went.

Wait this is a book review, where's the book?

Quite randomly I was browsing the stacks and happened upon Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. I'd heard of it and knew it was on some lists and all so decided to go for it. I started reading it before the concert began. And basically couldn't put it down then. There was definately some loss of sleep. But I finished it in 2 or 3 days.

The story is delightful. For me there wasn't any serious contemplation or brain things about it. It was just a marvelous and well written story.

And on a random note a random coincidence occurred. I was home over the Christmas week and what should be on the coffee table there but the same book! My father's co-worker likes to give him books to read apparently and he'd started Water for Elephants the day before. I think it took him 2 days tops (but he cheated by having more free time than I).

Therefore I can say that this book is awesome and support it with additional outside evidence! Read it.

Piqué Piqué Pas de bourrée Pas de chat Relevé en fifth

One of the things that gets me about Ballet is that every single move has a name. Which wouldn't be so bad except that it's all French. Ouch. Not to mention the whole body doing crazy contortion/strength things. But in the end I still enjoy it.

On Saturday I had my very first Ballet performance. That string of French up there is the opening pass that we used to get onstage for the Coda of the Pas de Deux from The Nutcracker. The performance was entitled "Our Very own Nutcracker". That it was indeed.

My teacher is completely crazy and really a modern dancer. But she's managed to piece together this studio which now I think has 4 resident 'companies' and I use that term very lightly. But our spectacular nutcracker started off with live musicians performing The Overture.

I was one of the musicians. When she started talking about it I quickly volunteered to play anything. I am so much better at playing than dancing. They did a similar performance last year and so had used piano and 2 violins I think (based on the music we used). So this year I replaced one of the violin players who moved to piano, and therefore my teachers husband was off the hook for playing.

Next up were some entrance/party scenes. Marvelously danced by little girls most of whom don't come up past my waist. Always adorable.

Then, just for some contrast or something, we had our sweets (or the nationalities as I know them more as). These were danced by some older girls that are probably intermediate to low advanced ballet students. Two of the 4 were on pointe. And one of the most spectacular things was one of the older (probably older than me I'm guessing) one's extension. She brought her leg up into passe and extended it so that her knee was somewhere between 6 and 12 inches from the side of her face. Ridiculous.

Slightly not so cool, but w/e, me and my fellow musicians musiced again. In preparing for the whole playing something deal I had looked up Nutcracker music, and managed to find a full score for the suite. And so when I saw that I had myself and 2 violin players I thought of Dance of the Reed Flutes which is scored featuring a melody line of almost entirely a flute trio. So being the crazy overachiever that I occasionally I am I transcribed the whole thing (including some non-flute parts) for our group. Miraculously it worked. I was so proud, although I don't know that anyone beyond like TRM knew about my excitement.

After that was another entirely funny group of medium aged chilluns doing ballet? (running around more so), and hip-hop. Then I really neat African dance by a multi-aged group.

Lastly performing the Coda were 4 ballet students more or less around my age. And most specifically including me. The 11 word title of this post is our 8 count entrance. But somehow I still managed to learn everything quite well. Possibly because I was the only one of us who actually attended every single rehersal. Also aiding my memorization was the fact that it was around 80 seconds tops. It went by in a giant blurr. After the fact I was just like 'omg all that work for something that fast'.

In the end though I've been living for those fleeting moments all my life.

Live the questions now.

Most people who know me don’t realize this but I am a very cynical person. I flat out don’t believe in the whole one true love thing or the myth of love at first sight. I barely can convince myself to believe in a romantic notion of love. Like seriously people, get real.

But leave it to life to try and trip me up. You see I’m more or less head over heels for date #2, let’s call him A. It’s freaking me out.

Firstly he picked me up for our date. I’m actually pretty sure that this is the first time that this has ever happened for me. I liked it, it was somewhat chivalrous like.

Secondly he took me to a nice restaurant. It hit the spot of being fancy but not too fancy just right. In fact I think that may describe A altogether.

Thirdly he took and held my hand going into and out of the restaurant. Then when we were back at home watching a movie he immediately cuddled with me. Quite a bit. Later he kissed me. I don’t kiss on the first date. Fortunately (or is it Unfortunately?) myself had vacated the premises for the evening. Hate to kiss and tell but I’m inclined to put it out somewhere. He’s a pretty bad kisser. There is the potential for asphyxiation concerns in my future. But I don’t mind.

Fourthly part a he’s at least decently intelligent. He was a linguist for the army and reportedly speaks Korean. He was going to school for International Studies and is almost through with the degree but situations caused him to move up here, he will be completing the degree however on top of the full time job and part b. Which is working administratively for the VA. Rock on non-profit.

Fifthly he’s hot.

Sixthly he actually likes me. This is supported by such things as the fact that he kissed me and probably would have slept on my couch if I didn’t kick him out around 1:30. Additional evidence can be found in conversations snippits such as “ you can spend your free time with me”, “I had a good time”, and somewhat inconclusively “I like you.”

That all being said I am indeed freaking out. Good freaking out obviously with all that stuff, but also bad freaking out. I don’t want to get hurt and seems like letting myself get my hopes all up would be a really good way to do that.

Kinda like Mr. Fling whom I’m making light of in order to not let it get to me.

Normally I am an incredibly patient person and I like to do things slowly. This feels like it’s just rushing right at me. I only met him once. And our few phone calls were all brief and somehow felt slightly awkward. I don’t know how I can possibly like him so much.

Only time will tell. Wish me luck. Maybe life will teach me to believe.




"...be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now."

DNR

I am, and have been for a while, a faithful Grey’s watcher. Now there have most certainly been times when I miss episodes, but ABC is pretty awesome about posting old episodes online. And so I have been able to keep up. In fact now that I watch it TRM has ended up being drawn in…..the explanations of some of the back stories are pretty much awesome. They display how ridiculous the show is – gotta love it.

But anyways last night’s episode got me thinking about some things:

First and foremost I’d say the dominant theme of the hour was taking the emotion out of thought. A new character, a Doctor, has Asperger’s. And so when a 16 year old girl is left brain dead from a car accident she experiences none of the emotional agony shared by everyone else, particularly the girl’s family. Instead she focuses on the benefit that the girl’s young healthy organs have the potential to save many other lives.

For most people this seems incredibly cold and callous. In fact TRM reacted in such a way. Personally, I definitely felt the shock, but it’s the facts. Dr. Dixon has the special ability to not get caught up in the emotional tangle that might halt the rest of us. For her she could immediately see past what was done and move on to what was best for the future.

Personally I know that if I was ever “the body” in such a situation I would want them to use my body in such a way to do the most good for other people. I’ve always believed that a body is just a body, some bits of organic matter strung together in such a way to propel me through life.

Actually if you really want to get into the matter I’m not particularly beholden to tying myself to life. Everyone knows Hamlet’s “To be or not to be”. And hopefully you know that the speech is debate on suiside and the will to live or to cast oneself to death. Hamlet’s hand is stayed because “To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: aye, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come”. Most people are afraid of death because it is the unknown. Personally I am much more of the mind that “To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd.” But I’m pretty sure I’m quite abnormal.

Really what ties me to life is the emotional connections with others. I do love my family in my friends. Quite a bit in fact. It would, and has, hurt a lot to loose any of them. And given that my own experiences are the only way that I can truly anticipate things existing, I assume that if I were to die those I love would feel the same. Now given that I’d never want to hurt those I care for I’m perfectly willing to “suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”. Plus there are some perfectly good and enjoyable things about life that I can take in.

Looking back at the story line from last night they put the girl on life support so that her family could have a chance to say goodbye. And being as it is a television show they had to make it even more bitterly tragic. See the girl was, irresponsibly, driving herself and her little sister when they got into the accident. So they came into the hospital arguing furiously with each other. As they discovered there was trauma and wheeled her away for urgent care her sister called out in frustration “I hope you die.”

Ouch, that sucks. And so the poor girl was agonizing over it. Not to mention the parents who I’m sure pretty much just wanted to die themselves instead of having to make the decision to let her body die.

So that inspired to here in make the following known. If I am ever in anything of a similar situation I don’t want anyone to have any of that agony. Inevitably there will be the pain of loss, don’t make it worse by wondering about the “what if’s”. Just let me go.

Instead I want everyone that ever meant anything in my life to know how incredibly appreciative for what you've contributed to my life. Those experiences are most of what makes life worth living.

But most importantly I want to leave behind the message not to mourn. It's basically a stupid thing to say because when you loose someone you can't help but feel it. Yet I am not concerned about death so no need to fret on my behalf. And as for the loss you feel, well I wish I had a better answer for that one. But in the end please just know that no matter what I loved you, I love you, and nothing, not even death, can change that.

Us, the most fleeting of all.

For my trip to Arizona I wanted to take an audio book to use as an entertainment device for all of the travel time. My first choice was Children of Dune, but alas I couldn’t play it anywhere buy my computer. So instead I found a book that I’d seen pop up here and there and thought numerous times about consuming. It was The Time Traveler’s Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger. And I loved it.

The story is a love story. And Nifengger does a beautiful job of creating the delicate and intricate web of romance. But that wasn’t the amazing part of the book.

What was so spectacular about this story was the antagonist, Time. You see Henry, by a flaw of genetics, is a time traveler. A time traveler who has no control over his position in time. Niffenegger treats his condition so realistically it makes it totally believable.

The thing I loved most however is her ability to comprehend the complexities of time. Clair, described in the title, maintains a simple linear life. But Henry is constantly moving about from the here and now into the past, or sometimes the future. And it is not always, but quite frequently he interacts with his own life, even his own self. So in the end the story line is basically unfolding in complex entangled layers. It’s enough to fill my brain for days.

Really it was quite an amazing book. And as an added bonus it had numerous quotations from the Duino Elegies which I am now exploring and loving.



Oh not because happiness exists, that too-hasty profit snatched from approaching loss.

…………….

But because truly being here is so much; because everything here apparently needs us, this fleeting world, which in some strange way keeps calling to us. Us, the most fleeting of all.

……………..

…Ah, but what can we take along into that other realm? Not the art of looking, which is learned so slowly, and nothing that happened here. Nothing. The sufferings, then. And, above all, the heaviness, and the long experience of love, - just what is wholly unsayable.

-from The Ninth Duino Elegy,
Rainer Maria Rilke,
Translated by Stephen Mitchell

When it rains it pours.

It's actually raining outside...my title has triple meanings! And now we bring you our regularly (and or previously planned) post.

So a few weeks ago fling boy was doing things to make me not like him very much again. You see I didn't go into the relationship intending for a fling. Seriously that's not me. I liked the guy quite a bit in many ways. But those other ways won out in the end. And so I now call it my fling. For some reason I'm hooked on my terminology, it amuses me. But that all is off track. Things were not going well so I was not so happy about that and decided to try some other outlets: a new dating site (I am such a dork).

But this new site has the most horrible interface ever which made me not like it. However I got like tons of messages. Most of them were from idiots. And I'm a stupid sucker and respond to too many of them, which is a flaw. However I've gotten much better at turning them away which is helpful. And even more better is the fact that a few are not complete morons.

So a couple of the guys I've been exchanging aim messages with. One in particular I've been talking with a good bit. On Friday he asked if I'd like to get together. Now at first I wasn't particularly keen on him. But we had some decent aim conversations and he seemed nice so I accepted. Yesterday we solidified plans for Tuesday.

So before that guy surfaced there was another guy. This one's profile for some reason quite appealed to me. He asked for my phone number fairly early on and I obliged. Since then there have been a few phone conversations that all somehow seem awkward. Yet for whatever reason I didn't want to give up hope. Yesterday he called and asked if I was free anytime. We're going out Friday, no definite plans are set.

It's ridiculous and I don't think I can handle it. Pathetically enough I'm hoping that Tuesday really doesn't go that well, but then we hit it off on Friday.

But all in all I think I may die.


....



And on a side note. TRM has herself a guy. They've been together for like 2 months now. And yesterday I realized that they're saying "I love you" to each other. Call me a cold hearted -um person- but really: in love?

He did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow.

I like Christmas music. In college I was lucky enough to have a roommate of similar mind. It was not uncommon for us to start up the old carols in October. My figuring is that this stuff is only seasonally appropriate once a year. So I have to start early!

This year I've actually been fairly calm about it. I tuned in a bit in early November, but I've really waited until now to lay it on thick. I have a decent, but not spectacular, selection of holiday music on my computer. And I know and can sing along to pretty much every song of it. Actually at least once or twice because we're geeks like that at school we played a game of "who can name that tune first". The others didn't stand a chance really.

But anyways I also enjoy the fact that Christmas music is such that I can play it at work. Normally I have to limit myself to Classical stuff. Although last year at first I tried to find Classical Christmas music before just playing anything really.

This year I'm quite in the holiday mood and have had Christmas music on once or twice before now using pandora. Yesterday, on my first day back, I was definately ready for music and opted for finding a new station online. Miraculously I quickly found this gem: http://www.accuradio.com/holidays/

I immediately honed in on the Holiday Classical station and listened to it all day. Today I pulled it up but having not been overly impressed with the Classical decided to go with their xmas station: "Our main channel: The best of the best in holiday music!". Later as I was scanning the website I had an idea.

My idea is that each day I'll listen to a different one of their genre stations and then I can review them. This idea amuses me to no end :-)

Pooh-pooh to the Whos! he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!
They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
The all the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!

That's a noise, grinned the Grinch,
That I simply must hear!
So he paused. And the Grinch put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Who-ville!
The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

Mountan versus Road

We are in Sedona AZ today and I decided that I wanted to go biking. And being as mountain biking is a big thing around here I figured it'd be a good opportunity to give it a try. I'm a pretty decent road biker (if I do say so myself) so I figured I ought to stand a chance on the dirt.

I talked to the guy at the bike shop, said I was a road biker, and asked what trails he recommended. They had a map so he showed me the main trail that started right across the street. But that trail wasn't particularly long so he recommended going about half way up it and then taking this other trail. That sounded good to be so off I went.

I discovered fairly quickly that my rental had the most squeaky brakes ever, that was annoying, but so it goes. All in all the thing was harder to propel. That's to be expected though given the weight and the fact that it wasn't necessarily so properly fitted to me.

Once I hit the dirt and all of its numerous accompanying rocks I discovered the joy of the mountain bike design. I felt those obstacles but all in all the ride was no where near as jarring as my road bike (particularly my awesome new road bike which is partially carbon and lets me feel every bump in the road).

I also discovered that mountain biking can be scary. For me it was alot like skiing. They can be totally awesome and I'm sure I'd love them. But I'm also not at all very practiced in the sports so I spend much too much time concerned that I'm going to fall over. And on a mountain bike this falling over involves falling onto hard dirt (which is also dirty) and rocks. Not exactly so ideal. It seems to require a lot more control on a mountain bike to keep it going where you want.

It also seemed to take quite a bit more power (although my being winded could also be because I'm not nearly as in shape as I was this summer), and I found it nearly impossible to maintain any speed.

But enough of that back to my story!

So I went down the main trail. Went the wrong way once, hit a parking lot figured I must be wrong went back found the main trail again and managed to keep it this time. When I got to the other trail he had recommended I was speculative that it was actually a trail. It looked more like a narrow washed out portion down the hill. But there were bike tracks, down I went.

Before that I was of the mind that I was capable of this mountain bike thing. I'd gone up and down and over and around rocks. Some of the stuff was even like crazy jagged rocks and ledges that would be a few inches up and what not. I quickly realized that I had been on the "nice" trail and that this new devilry is most likely 'real' mountain biking. It was something similar to somewhat loose jagged rock in a significant downgrade with some curves thrown in for good measure.

Going down I would stop probably ever 25 feet because I either thought I was going to or actually did nearly fall off. At least once I definately executed a jump off the bike because I'm falling but try to make it look like I meant to do that maneuver. It was impressive.

I got down to the bottom of the mess and it really didn't look like the trail was anything more trail like after that. And so I conceded. Back up the craziness I went. And somehow I was actually able to ride the whole way up (albeit granny gear).

And off on my nice trail like trail I went again all the way to the end. On this one part there was some kind of mound running across the trail, I don't know the purpose. But it was on a down hill so I had a bit of speed and on a whim I pulled up the front to become airborne. Such things are actually possible on mountain bikes, and I must say they really are quite a bit of fun.

All in all good times. I'm definately not ready to give up my road bike (especially since it's awesome, shiny, light, new, and awesome). But it really would be cool to have the opportunity to do more mountain biking and learn to be able to handle some of the tougher stuff. Inevitably this is such awesome mountain biking territory here, I'm not sure that they have such cool places at home.

What you take.

So the bad part about being on vacation is that it makes me think about how much I wish I had a significant other to be with me, or just to miss me. And it gives me plenty of time to think about it.



“Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer.”

So close...

I was on a mission tonight.

After purchasing my laptop I immediately purchased a bag/carrying case so that I'd be able to take it places. So far I've used it to take my laptop to work for the concerts so that I can remotely access the office. It's been good. But I also wanted a smaller 'form fitting' cover if you will, that word work so that I can put the laptop in a larger bag safely with other stuff.

Specifically I intend to take it with me when I leave on Saturday for Arizona (w00t).

But rather than spend the $20 or $30 for a store bought skin I decided to make my own. So today I finally got to the newly opened Jo-Ann store (georgeous) and picked out my fabrics. I wanted to try for a cute/bohemian look if possible and so choose 4 different fabrics that all have the same colors.

We got back home around 8:15 and I got to work pretty quickly. Inevitably such projects are not the most speedy. Especially when I'm making things (including methods) up as I go (and watching dancing with the stars). But around 11:30 I was pretty close to finished and it was looking amazing. Somehow things had come together.


(yup, it's even reversible)

And then the pouch was about 1/4-1/2 inch too small. I can get the laptop in with a lot of effort, but it's definately not something that should require effort. Drats.

I think I may try to go back to J0-Ann's pick up new fabrics and probably new colors (I like these but think I could do better) and try again. Luckily it only cost around $10. So in the end it'll be about like buying a pre-made one....*sigh*



....and yet so far.

Please have snow and mistletoe.

I have been looking up Christmas ideas today :-)

A few times I have seen the idea come up of having an album of Christmas memories that you put out and can add to every year. I think that's something that I'd love to do.

At first I was thinking that it could be something that I'd start when (or if) I actually have a family of my own (which I'd deem as beginning with a significant other). But now I'm thinking maybe I'll just start it now. After all, why not?

Maybe I'll even see how much old stuff I can find at my parents.

Dead and alive.

Fluting again (hopefully).

On Tuesday evening, while I was busy being glued to the election coverage, the choir director from back home (it shall always be home) sent me an email inviting me “and my flute” to come back to participate in our churches Christmas Eve Cantata.

I have many years of that cantata under my belt now. At first I was only in the Senior Bell Choir and so our norm was just playing a prelude. Then I was playing an additional prelude on flute as well. By high school I’d joined the Senior Singing Choir and so sang alto/second soprano in the Cantata. The choir director was also beginning to use me as the go-to for accompaniment so I’d jump over to flute for specific parts. For a year or two of college I still predominately sang as well as doing a bit of fluting for the cantata, I think it may have been assisted by a lack of altos. However most recently I’ve been kicked out of singing and left with a whole book of the C accompaniment parts. And let me tell you some of that stuff is actually tricky.

But anyways I’m torn about playing this year. The thing of it is that I love playing, have always played, and would be happy to continue. But I haven’t lived in, around, or near that zip code for a year and a half now, and that’s not even counting the three college years when I was really only half there anyways.

I guess I feel like maybe I should be moving on. It’s tricky.

Interestingly enough yesterday I was perusing Craigslist, because it provides a rather endless source of entertainment for me. But I saw posting under musicians for “Concert Band Musicians.” Holy crap.

If you are familiar with the musicians page on Craigslist you’ll know that 90% of the stuff is people wanting to be rock stars or something close. Concert Band’s don’t so much fit in that category.

There it was, a shining light in my night sky. It beckoned me, and I clicked. My heart raced as I saw a listing of instruments. It started with low brass, damn, then a 3rd trumpet, gah, 2nd clarinet, warmer, French horn, gosh darn it there are too many flute players in the world!, and lastly, miracle of all miracles, flute. Break out the Hallelujah chorus, or maybe the finale of Beethoven’s 9th – it’s better.

I spent the next hour or two pouring over an eloquently written email about how I’d played before but haven’t found anywhere here. My college experience. And most of all how I treasured the 6 years I’d spent with my old community band. I could’ve brought a tear to your eye with my description of the joys of providing music to people. Yes, I’m a dork.

I also dusted off my “musical resume” which actually makes me look pretty durn good. Rock on being the only flute major in my year in college. That’s definitely probably cheating, but hey I did do it all. And actually I was pretty good 2 years ago.

A response was received this afternoon. The director was impressed (crap shes a flute player, which I knew from the website, and I’m going to have to live up to something) and I am to call her. She has some kind of crazy hours and so now I’ve got to sort them out. Then if I can convince the phone not to eat me I shall call.

:-)

Box Office Battlefield

Patron Services Manager. That's my title, for all it's worth. But I'll have you know that I am a kick ass Patron Services Manager. Like whoa.

You may have realized this already for yourself but let it be known: People are idiots. And for some reason when people are idiots they like to come to us(which means me) and think that I'm duty bound to fix it.

Frequently I do fix it, I'm a good fixer, no one else here seem to be able to figure this stuff out. Although I will admit I like to let them know that I am doing them a very huge big special favor that I shouldn't actually do but just this once just for them I will. In my mind that's so that I'm not encouraging them on their path of idiocy.

Today I received a fun (aka infuriating) email from a woman. It was sent based on the pretense that she wanted to know how long the concert would last. However the majority of it was filled with this pity plea complaining about her personal situation in relation to our ticket exchange policy.

I crafted a spiffy responce to her. First I simply answered her question. And then I poured, seriously heaped, in apologies. Spinning it like there was nothing I could (yea I'm kinda a liar) do I expressed a heartfelt commiseration for her pain. In my devious mind I came up with the idea of proposing using her story as a motiviation for change and revision.

Ok, so actually I'm not so double faced as I'm putting forth there. I do want to change the policy, and it would allow her a way to do what she wanted even. The truth is that this morning my boss ticked me off by ignoring my ticket exchange policy and so I'd spent a good bit of the morning researching what other organizations do (I then lost all of my research when I accidentally closed the document....this morning kinda kicked my ass, I wanted to cry 3 times). And I do want to change our policy. But I want to charge people, bwahahaha. All's fair in love and war (I should write a book called Box Office Battlefield, how sweet would that be, *changes post title*).

I recieved a responce back from her to the tune of:

Thanks for the info. If my story can change things I'm glad. It was my fault after all. I will enjoy the concert.

One million points to me.

Interwebs

I spend an alarming large portion of my life browsing the vast spaces of the Interweb, basking in its unending depths of stuff. Sometimes I even find good thought provoking articles (they are my favorites).

The Cult of Clean
We've become a nation of grime fighters, and there's growing evidence that we're sacrificing our safety and our sanity to sanitization.
By Carlin Flora, PsychologyToday.com

From that article my favorite quote is:

Significantly, our dreams of disinfection parallel the rise of anxiety in our culture. After analyzing anxiety levels measured among young people in 1952 and 1993, psychologist Jean Twenge of San Diego State University concluded that levels of anxiety in today's average teenager are equivalent to those in patients treated for a psychiatric disorder 50 years ago. Other studies have documented the rise of anxiety among college students and adults.

It was definitely not the focus of the article, but led me many more thoughts and observations.




A few days ago I found this:

Red Sex, Blue Sex
Why do so many evangelical teen-agers become pregnant?
by Margaret Talbot

And there I focused in on this:

Some of these differences in sexual behavior come down to class and education. Regnerus and Carbone and Cahn all see a new and distinct “middle-class morality” taking shape among economically and socially advantaged families who are not social conservatives. In Regnerus’s survey, the teen-agers who espouse this new morality are tolerant of premarital sex (and of contraception and abortion) but are themselves cautious about pursuing it. Regnerus writes, “They are interested in remaining free from the burden of teenage pregnancy and the sorrows and embarrassments of sexually transmitted diseases. They perceive a bright future for themselves, one with college, advanced degrees, a career, and a family. Simply put, too much seems at stake. Sexual intercourse is not worth the risks.” These are the kids who tend to score high on measures of “strategic orientation”—how analytical, methodical, and fact-seeking they are when making decisions. Because these teen-agers see abstinence as unrealistic, they are not opposed in principle to sex before marriage—just careful about it. Accordingly, they might delay intercourse in favor of oral sex, not because they cherish the idea of remaining “technical virgins” but because they assess it as a safer option. “Solidly middle- or upper-middle-class adolescents have considerable socioeconomic and educational expectations, courtesy of their parents and their communities’ lifestyles,” Regnerus writes. “They are happy with their direction, generally not rebellious, tend to get along with their parents, and have few moral qualms about expressing their nascent sexuality.” They might have loved Ellen Page in “Juno,” but in real life they’d see having a baby at the wrong time as a tragic derailment of their life plans. For this group, Regnerus says, unprotected sex has become “a moral issue like smoking or driving a car without a seatbelt. It’s not just unwise anymore; it’s wrong.

Sorry that was so long. But it’s a long article that I found quite interesting. And that quote there I liked it because I’ve been trying to puzzle together my own psychology for years. And frankly, it’s not going so well. However that quote led to some insight.

Happy reading.

I used a #3

I have lived the alt tag.

Although I did become a bit more speedy with all of the AP test drilling.

iVote

I am ashamed to admit that this morning was the first time that I have ever placed a vote in this our governmental system.

I was smart about it and when I went at 11 there was only a 20 minute line vs. the 1.5 hour line that TRM was kind enough to call and tell me about (she also warned me to dress warmly, the line was outside).

Now I feel all tingly or something. As much as I suck at doing new things after I manage to do them I feel very accomplished.

Almost anyone will believe almost anything.

I just finished watching the pilot episodes of Legend of the Seeker.

I'd not heard anything about it at all until Friday. I went out for a bike ride, had to leave quickly to keep the daylight so left before anyone was home, and arrived home to find no one at home. It was kind of depressing cuz TRM has a boyfriend now and she's over there quite a bit. I guess I've gotten used to having someone around all the time again. But then just as I was cookin myself some stir fry for dinner she walked in the door, having gone out only to the grocery store. Yay.

But anyways she told me that apparantly she had heard from her friend J that there was a new TV series that was based on Terry Goodkinds Sword of Truth Series. And that J and his girlfriend were coming over the next evening, Saturday, to watch it. And that her boy would be there. Conveniently enough my fling was already scheduled to come out that day so it worked out pretty awesomely. The plan was to get pizza, and TRM and I figured on getting some chips and pizza as well.

And being as we are losers and have no friends this was a total party. I was all excited.

According to J the episode aired at 6 (kinda weird for a pilot to air at 6 on a Saturday, but knowing the books I expected it to flop too). So people were supposed to show up at 5:30 although TRM's guy, B, was coming earlier.

So there we were Saturday evening, B had arrived but everyone else was late. Being paranoid, as I always am, I told Jo that she best DVR it just in case they didn't arrive in time. She went over to the computer and I guessed had to look it up online to check the channel or something, but anyways we then learned that there were in fact 2 episodes the first of which started at 5. Good job J. But that plan went out the door. Other activities commenced instead so the party kinda wasn't what it should have been, and in general wasn't as good as I might have wished. But then I get big ideas in my head that very rarely come true.

This all really is nothing near my point. Just wanted to keep ya'll uptodate on nearly everymoment of my life cuz I'm a nut like that.

Luckily for us the episodes were re-airing quite a few times this week, the first being this evening starting at 8. Dutifly I watched.

And as a fan of the books I'm dissapointed. Seriously tho in any kind of book/movie/tv situation how can one not be dissapointed. They changed quite a bit of stuff.

It was kind of funny because right in the opening scene I got all excited because I thought it was the completely correct opening scene and said something to that extent to TRM. She told me I was wrong being as she had just started re-reading the first book that weekend (apparantly she never read the whole series dispite owning all the books, like seriously?, although I'll admit they are not the most compelling reading. In a review I read this evening someone brought up Goodkind going all Ayn Rand, and I must say that was a very good way of describing it). So then I thought a bit more and realized that the opening sequence I was thinking of was from Eragon, not Sword of Truth....oops. Then just like a minute or two later I promptly called the main character Rand. His name is Richard, Rand is the main character (well as main as it gets with the billions of important characters) in Jordan's Wheel of Time. So all in all 2 strikes right of the bat. The show was not particularly adherant to the book at all.

And taking it aside from the book I don't know that I'd be much inclined to watch it as good television either. Good fantasy takes good money. And this thing had some decent stuff, but all in all I didn't really buy the world.

All that being said of course I shall continue to watch it. It's a fantasy series and I'm a fantasy girl (or wish I was) :-)


Ah well I suppose I'll just read my book and go to bed, the time change thing (plus too much junk food and too little sleep - with all pleasure comes pain) really killed me today. I'm currently reading this random series thats decent but not amazing by Robin D Owens. What I'd really like to read is the next Dune book, but the stupid librarys don't seem to have it - it's frustrating.


"People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie because they want to believe it's true, or because they are afraid it might be true. People’s heads are full of knowledge, facts, and beliefs, and most of it is false, yet they think it all true. People are stupid; they can only rarely tell the difference between a lie and the truth, and yet they are confident they can, and so are all the easier to fool."

The breaking wave and the muscle.

So despite the frost on my car this morning, it was actually a fairly mild day weather wise. It's also the last day that I'll have any daylight after work hours, owing to daylight savings time, until the spring. And since I'm turning into a lazy bum I had decided before that I must must must get out riding today.

So off I went as soon as I could manage after work. I still could only get about 13 miles because of not wanting to be out past dusk. But it wasn't at all the most chilly of rides so I was quite happy. Plus I was surprised that I'd not lost as much as I could have in the way of riding ability.

Back at the house I was changing out of my biking stuff. I'd worn a new top thats all special sporty like and supposed to be good about moisture management and keep me warm and dry and all. I got a few things cuz TRM's dad works for a tennis gear supplier so we could get stuff cheap. Seriously the tags list MSRP of like $40+ and I paid less than $10. But anyways its a form fitting tank top so I was like hey this thing seems to work and it looks half decent.

Then I particularly noticed that I've this ridiculously defined muscle in my upper arm. Seriously it's huge. (Now this is really quite realative, I'm pretty small and have never topped 110, but generally not much in the way of musculature just the general skinnyishness).

Yup, I'm buff.

Although it makes sense. At work today I'm pretty sure I must have moved probably a half ton (seriously if you do the math I know I moved at least 30 of these boxes that were like filled with paper that was just the accounting stuff. I estimate they averaged at 20lbs. So thats 600lbs right there and that was just a portion of everything that I moved, it was ridiculous).


Go me.


Now if only I had someone to show. My fling lives nearly an hour away and TRM got a boyfriend and so isn't around much anymore :-/


“The breaking wave and the muscle as it contracts obey the same law. Delicate line gathers the body's total strength in a bold balance. Shall my soul meet so severe a curve, journeying on its way to form?”

Paper cutting me.

So I've been wanting to get more into my Scherenschnitte recently. The idea is maybe if I get my butt in gear I could actually sell some of my work. So then I was looking up good paper because I don't care much for most of what I have. And so while I was randomly searching around I changed upon this amazing tip:

-To make patterns for cutting take any image. Change it to black and white. And then increase the contrast-


At first I was sceptical. I tried it out on a bunch of different pictures and it never came out so nice as I wanted. But then I probably just got used to seeing the reliefs and things started looking better. So I took a picture that I have followed those steps using GimpShop, which btw I love (mostly because it's free). And then proceeded to doctor it a bit for my purposes.

This evening I printed it out and went at it. Here is the result:

The Great Epic Film Scores.

Tonight was the first POPS Concert of the season. I already have TRM roped in so she works the box office for me at least one day of each concert weekend, but I had another opening. So Little One came up, she wanted the $30.

But she also wanted to watch the concert to meet some requirements for school. So I got all excited and, after inquiring with TRM, got us 3 seats on a convenient aisle.

I think this is only the 2nd time in the year that I've worked at the symphony that I've actually taken a seat for the concert. There's just too much going on. If I want to hear something I'll just sneak into the stairs and watch from there. Sitting in an actual seat is a totally different, and worlds better, experience.

I sat there and I was actually swept up by the music. This is uncommon for me. I love music but audiences tend to distract me. I think that's a lot of why I think I'll always love playing [god do I miss playing] more than viewing it. It felt so good to just be there and feel the music, and feel the atmosphere. It reminded me of why my job really is not quite the hell that it's felt like for the past week.

Somewhat almost not really related I've come up with a new way to deal with angry people. Instead of just sitting there and taking their abuse and maybe trying to explain the reasoning behind our policies I should just burst into tears. It would be awesome.

I totally wasn't supposed to bitter in this post. Oops.

All growed up.

So last weekend I was in the final stages of my laptop hunting and so I wanted to make a trip to BestBuy to look at what they had there. And of course I took TRM with me.

She wanted to visit the nearby Linens and Things store because it's going out of business and so having a 'whole store' kinda sale going on (although seriously the stuff still wasn't particularly cheap, the real world is much to expensive for my tastes). So we stopped there first.

While we were walking around with no real goal in mind it occured to me that quite a few months back I had put a new pillow on my list of things to buy sometime. I had 3 pillows all which were quite squashed and not so awesome anymore. And then I thought I had solved the problem when I absconded with a pillow from Grandma's house as she was moving out. Sadly though it was only a small step above what I only had.

So there I was browsing the pillow section of the store. And seriously who buys pillows that cost over $100 - that's crazily crazy. I found myself a nice $15 one. I'll admit the expensive ones are better than it I'm sure. But definately not like 10X better. But I digress.

The interesting thing about the whole experiance was that it just made me feel quite particularly like I was an adult now. As a child pillows were just there. They materialized of their own accord I'm pretty sure. Probably with some parental assistance, but I most certainly did not ever have anything to do with the matter.

And there I was walking out of the store with the pillow that I just spent my hard earned income on.


I suppose maybe eventually I'll become a bit more accustomed to the whole on my own, not a child thing.




Or maybe it's better to maintain this innocent fascination with the silly little things in life.

I finally did it.

Towards the end of my last year of college I started to notice that my computer seemed to be slowing down some. Inevitably 3 years of hard use was taking it's toll. I easily admit that I'm not particularly easy on computers. Running 3 programs (an internet explorer, aim, and a music player) is about the minimum of what I will ever have up. And I like to find new things and play with them: new picture managers, cool programs like Gimp, etc. So invariably the dell was decent enough when I first got it, but given what I wanted to be doing not quite so up to snuff.

So that spring I actually started researching laptops, mostly as an idle dream. Then around graduation time (of year, not when I actually graduated myself) my parents said that they'd buy me a laptop as a graduation present - yippie! So the old computer chugged along into the summer quite well enough (I thought it was questionable then, but I now know better) through the summer as I contemplated my options.

Memorial day weekend hit and the good old Taurus met it's demise in spectacular fashion alongside the highway (good pictures that car fire did make). And as fate would have it my parents decided to contribute $1000 towards the purchase of a new vehicle. Have I ever mentioned that I hate cars. Because seriously I do. They just suck the fun out of life as I see it.

But I never gave up browsing the computer sites and dreaming of the day when I would have a shiny new bit of technology for my very own. I continued on with the old monster of a desktop. For a time it served well enough. But by last fall it was showing its age a bit too much. I stopped using it for much of anything involving new programs. And I even tried to avoid any non-vital program updates as much as possible. By this summer just trying to surf the internet while chatting with a friend could be difficult.

However I am a thrifty little bugger. During the first few months of my job I was seriously not spending any money outside of basic necessities. And so by the time I hit January when I started to seriously investigate my finances I had saved up quite the neat little safety cushion. And so when I prepared my budget spreadsheet the computer column was born. Dilligently I saved.

And as I saved I continued to ogle and drool over all of the pretty laptops on the interwebs.

My little pile of cash grew, and the goal was getting quite near. At last I finally decided to make a decision and go through with it.

I suck at decisions. By my logic my ridiculous hair is a perfect example of this. I'll just make do with what I have instead of having to decide something. Personality flaw number 83 maybe.

But last Saturday I seriously and for real when through with it.

For under $975.21 (including tax and shipping) I purchaed, from Best Buy. A Dell Studio 15. It has some pretty sweet specs. 2.1 processer, 4G RAM, 320 HD, WXGA+, bluetooth, webcam, much much shinyness.

After much waiting with bated breath and a literal recreation of this: online package tracking , my laptop arrived on Wednesday evening. Since then pretty much all of my non-work and non-sleep time has been spent with the laptop within arms reach. Yup, I'm that much of a dork.

There is just so much awesomeness to discover.

There are also a few potentially serious flaws. But I'm avoiding that.

Right now at this very moment. I have open Mozilla where I am typing this, AIM where I am chatting with Little One, I have Ruckus open and playing music, and iTunes is also open because I'm running some other little crazy program (that is a serious ram hog btw) that is supposed to be eliminating duplicates from iTunes, because after the transfer of songs onto here (plus a transfer from an external onto the old computer a few months back when we had to re-format the drive because of a battle between the old computer and something mean presumibly from the internet, and really the poor old thing didn't stand a chance) my iTunes library is pretty bad form. A bit ago I was not typing this or listening to Ruckus but I was watching the Dancing With The Stars that I missed from this week. It ran without a hitch, and even looked pretty durn good. [Although seriously I can't believe Cloris is still on the show - wtf people!]

I still can't believe I spent all that money on something so superfilous. So weird.

Oh that reminds me of another post I wanted to make last weekend.....

Every so often.

So ever so often, and really it is a fairly frequent so often, I think of a topic that I should like to write a blog on. However I am, obviously, a slacking blogger, and so not much comes of it.

Here are the topics from recent life that are in my head that I want to write about:
Parking in the Garage/Frost
Computer
Bike
Spending too much money
Ballet
Keeping in contact
Symphony Blogs
Blogging
Soup
Boys



-ok that list started to get a bit random as ideas popped into my head. Therein lies the danger.



I shall start with the first, and easiest. This was a random post that popped into my head.

It first occurred yesterday. There was frost on the windshield of my car. It's been getting rather cool now, but I'm still not willing to concede that the nice weather is done. Gosh durn it I want summer back.

And this frost was not the easy flick of the wipers and its gone kind. I had to actually go and find my ice scrapers and for the first time this year, clear my windows. Luckily I had been thinking ahead and found them in the garage a day or two before.

So I hastily scraped off my car and proceeded to work. Inevitably I was more hasty than I ought to be and my windshield had an odd haze to it for the first .5 miles. Seriously you'd think that I'd be more cautious given my history.

Fast forward to today!

TRM decided that we ought to actually use the garage to hold a car instead of random junk. So she cleaned it all up. She managed to get all of our bikes (there are 4 in total now) hung up on the ceiling.

However there are always some issues with using the garage. Namely, it is a 1 car garage, and there are 3 of us. It is reached by traveling through our driveway space which fits 2 cars in a line. And we are all journeying to and fro according to our own schedules. And so we are not unfamiliar with the fun of the car shuffle. Plus there was only one button thinger for the door. And really who is going to park in the drive way, get out of the car and go into the house, open the garage door, start the car back up, and park in the garage.

But then Jo came home with a button thinger for me. It's not particularly consistant but sometimes I am the first person home. And I am always the last person to leave. Whoa.

Yesterday when I got home I parked in the garage. Actually I parked very poorly in the garage. It's a pretty tight fit to begin with. And I'd not parked in it since she hung up all 4 bikes. So I was a bit curious to see if my car would hit them. Therefore as I got close to the bike I kept inching forwards. In the end I was pretty durn close, but the bike does actually clear, and I was much to far inside the garage so when I got out of the car I didn't have room to get to the door. Oops.

This morning when I drove to work it was amazing. There was no going out in the cold at all. Now the car wasn't toasty or anything close. But still - not freezing at all.

Delightful.

Hot Date

Yup you read right. I went on a ‘hot date’. Though what constitutes a date being ‘hot’? Basically I used the term to humorous ends. So it’s much safer to say that I just had a date actually.

It was good. We talked for nearly 4 hours straight and never seemed to run out of things to say. I’m pretty sure I don’t talk, like ever. How does that work. I’m thinking positive sign maybe?

But I’m not going to be spilling any details here. I’ve other outlets for that if I so desire. I want to know what is with guys and paying for things? Seriously.

We went out for dinner and he handily grabbed the check and took care of it. Ok all well and good. Not that I require it, I’d happily split the bill, but the in the old guy/girl standards that some people still live by it’s expected. Then since dinner didn’t take very long we went to a coffee shop where he also picked up the tab. Also fine ok he’s a guy and being manly like, whatever floats your boat.

The interesting thing was later I asked if he’d be willing to go to the opera with me. He was agreeable enough to the idea. So then when I said ok so long as the date and time works for you I’ll get the tickets, he said I’ll go so long as I can pay for the tickets…..Wait a minute what the heck is that? It was my slightly out there proposition and for a few other reasons in my mind it only makes sense that I’ll pay for them. But he was sitting there arguing with me.

I suppose in a way it’s cute and endearing, wanting to take care of or something like that? But in the end, seriously, what gives?


....maybe I ought to find myself a dragon to be kidnapped by or something....

"Some say that the age of chivalry is past, that the spirit of romance is dead. The age of chivalry is never past, so long as there is a wrong left unredressed on earth."

Check!

After working 12 straight days I always go a bit nutty and can’t wait for the weekend. Last week was no different. This time I seemed to have hit the weekend with a bit more emphasis than normal.

I had all these thoughts of things I wanted to do whirling through my head. And so rather promptly after arriving home from work on Friday I sat down and typed out the following list on my aim where I updated it as I completed things:

Clean car (inside and out)
Finish laundry – whites
Do laundry – darks
Clean room
Clean kitchen (after apple madness)
Make apple sauce
Make apple butter
Start abstract Christmas tree paper cutting
Complete at least 1 window office art things
Complete at least 1 vase Christmas present
Learn to double knit, start Christmas present
Take out winter clothes, put away summer clothes
Sort canning jars

I later added “hike 6 miles, and go on hot date with a watchmaker” when said date asked why it wasn’t on the list (cuz it was the fun activities not the at home chores).

But of that all I completed the following:
Cleaned my car inside and out
Finished laundry darks and whites
Cleaned my room
Made 7 quarts of applesauce
Made approximately 3.5 quarts of apple butter
Finished the abstract Christmas tree paper cutting
Completely refinished and painted my window art
Finished 1 vase Christmas present
Learned to double knit and got the yarn to start the present
Swapped my seasonal clothing
Sorted our canning jars and even cleaned most of them
Hiked 3-4 miles (seriously up a mountain)
Went on a hot date with a watchmaker

All in all I am ridiculously proud of myself I did a freaking lot this weekend. It’s awesome feeling. Except that I’m also feeling way too tired at work today. *sigh* Can’t win them all.

The propensity to truck, barter and exchange.

So I was really just sitting here just minding my own business but some of my co-workers were moving random office furniture around (we're completing some office renovations).

We have a good bit of stuff that's old and we don't want anymore and the question has been what to do with it all. Apparantly one of my co-workers went across the hall to the non-profit there (lukemia and lymphoma) and asked if they might be interested in any of it.

After a bit of looking and checking they were indeed interested in one desk, so over it went.

And then their executive director brought us a box of twizzlers in trade.

Oh good times....


"The propensity to truck, barter and exchange one thing for another is common to all men, and to be found in no other race of animals."

Sailing the celestial spaces.

Yesterday TRM and I drove an hour down into Maryland to go to a REI store there that was having a "Backpacking 101" seminar/class thing.

I was a bit anxious as it was my idea and I was worried that it'd be stupid and that's alot of driving for something stupid.

But good news! it wasn't stupid and quite worthwhile.

First of all REI is an outdoors enthusiast mecca. Seriously the place freaking rocks. Tons and tons of camping stuff. Oodles of biking things. Spiffy clothes, etc. And as an awesomely awesome bonus the workers actually know what they're talking about and can like help you out with what to get. Sweetness.

The seminar itself was rather interesting. The presenter was an employee/avid hiker. Basically he talked just a bit about general things like planning and leave no trace, but then just tried to go through all the stuff you need for backpacking. He explained it all and told us what he uses and stories about absolutely everything. He knocked somethings down, talked others up. It was pretty freaking good.

So now I'm all psyced to go backpacking again.

I don't know if I've ever brought it up here before but TRM and I are planning next summer to go on a Sierra Club Beginner Backpacking trip. I came up with the idea last year and she was into it as well. So the thought was to start saving money now. The cost of the trip is $500ish with the Club. Then there's whatever (significant) cost to get out there (most of these trips are out on the West Coast) and possibly stay somewhere before/after. And last but most certainly not least is all of the gear.

Backpacking requires alot of gear. The thing last night reinforced this. Actually the whole experiance really left my head spinning, so much to think about.

Today I sat down and using the REI website put together a tentative list/budget of everything I need (well I suppose it really is more of a want) to aquire. I came up with $700 as a basic get the stuff I pretty much really need generally at a rather low price. Stuff that it would be nice to have/can be gathered over a longer period of time (although things like having not just 1 but 2 shirts are in this now as well as good to have but not necessary things like treking poles) are an extra $400.

Ouch. That is definately over my initial estimate of $500 for gear. Ah well in theory this stuff will last me for years. And shall provide years of awesomeness.

TRM and I are actually going out for our first hike this weekend. It's off to a bit of the Appalachian trail that is quite close to us. I'm thinking we'll do about 6 miles. And I'm excited.

In writing this I also found an amazing quote that just mentally 'took my breath away' if that makes any sense to you:


"How hard to realize that every camp of men or beast has this glorious starry firmament for a roof! In such places standing alone on the mountain-top it is easy to realize that whatever special nests we make - leaves and moss like the marmots and birds, or tents or piled stone - we all dwell in a house of one room - the world with the firmament for its roof - and are sailing the celestial spaces without leaving any track." ~John Muir

Bel Canto

I just finished Bel Canto by Ann Patchett and I strongly recommend it. Especially for any music lovers.

She beautifully entwines romance, music, and even some ideas on human nature into an engrossing story that I didn't want to put down. Plus the ending leaves you a bit off. Which I frequently find to be a trait of the best stuff.

This is a short and sweet one.

Happy Gedächtnestag

Actually I’m a day late. And realistically Gedächtnestag was celebrated back on Sunday so I’m even more late. But I am writing today….so deal with it.

Now if you are a normal person you are probably sitting there confused. You could most likely care less what day Gedächtnestag is and are wondering more about how the heck one pronounces it, or more importantly what the heck it is….good question.

Let me start this story by informing you that I am a Schwenkfelder. And I’m proud of it.

What is a Schwenkfelder you may ask? Well a Schwenkfelder is a follower of the religious teachings of Caspar Schwenkfeld von Ossig. He lived way back in the 1500’s and one of his contemporaries was Martin Luther (whom hopefully you’ve heard of and know something about him and his 95 Theses and all). Schwenkfeld lived within the Holy Roman Empire in a place called Silesia (which is now round abouts where Poland is located) and he not only questioned Catholic practices, but also formed his own ideas that were outside of the Lutheran realm as well. His big teachings were thinking for ones self and coming to your own conclusions as well as following a “Middle Way.”

However inevitably Silesia (and most of the populated European world) were not so keen on the individual ideas thing and Schwenkfeld was labeled a heretic – ouch. He though did manage to gather a following, they called themselves Confessors of the Glory of Christ, luckly for me the name didn’t stick and these people would eventually become known just as Schwenkfelders. Those people continued to follow Schwenkfeld’s teachings despite a harsh political environment. Back then religion and politics were pretty much one in the same. And at that time in history the Holy Roman Empire, while ruled by the Holy Roman Emperor, was more like a bunch of smaller fiefdoms. And so an agreement had been made between the Emperor and all of the provincial rulers that each ruler could choose for himself if his lands would be Catholic or Lutheran. Unfourtionately Schwenkfelder was not an option, and so the valiant Confessors were persecuted.

By the early 1700’s it was getting pretty bad and the Schwenkfelder’s were seriously considering escaping their native lands to find religious freedom. After a temporary respite while staying on the lands of Count Nicholas Ludwig von Zinzendof, a pretty awesome and unbelievably liberal guy for the day, in Saxony their freedom was again in question and their thoughts turned to moving to the new world. Specifically they picked Pennsylvania where there people spoke of religious freedom, plus there was already a good contingent of German folk.

There were a few different migration groups however the largest set sail in 1734 and arrived in Philadelphia on September 22. Two days later on September 24th the Schwenkfelders held a day of Thanksgiving for having made the grueling journey to begin their new lives in the new world.

Each year, from then on, Schwenkfelders gather together on the Sunday closest to September 24 and together celebrate Gedächtnestag, or as we also call it Day of Remembrance. It is the oldest continually celebrated day of thanksgiving in the US (our claim to fame!).

On that day we take the opportunity to reflect upon our past. There is a traditional meal of bread, apple butter, and water. When I was younger I understood that we did that because when those pilgrims first landed that simple meal of fresh food was a feast. I now know that this is most likely not at all true, and I’m not sure if it’s a common misconception by everyone, or a child’s error. But it’s the tradition and we love us some apple butter. Some people even call it Apple Butter day.

Most importantly however is that we are remembering. The part that I love most about being a Schwenkfelder is our rich and vibrant history. What can I say, it makes me feel special. I love telling the story or even just teaching other people to pronounce the name.

I haven’t regularly attended church for over 4 years now having moved away most of the first 3 years for school and now having moved away for my job. And of all the reasons why I miss home being a practicing Schwenkfelder is probably what gets me the most.

But I still remember. And I figure that so long as I remember I’ll always be a Schwenkfelder at heart.

Happy Gedächtnestag!



Clause: The historical parts of this entry may not be 100% accurate as I was mostly just telling it from my own memory.

Adagio For Strings

Please hit play:



Last Thursday, the same day that we remembered the tragic events of seven years ago, a new loss entered my life.

At approximately 3 o'clock we learned that our co-worker, William Schmieding, had passed away.

Poor Man's Tax

Today one of my co-workers came up and asked if I wanted to participate in the 'office pool' that would be going to try and win the PowerBall Lottery. But she precursed it by saying "I don't think if you'll be interested because you're thrifty." Actually I don't think the word was thrifty but I can't recall the specific term used. My tight-fisted attitude precedes me.

Each person could contribute as much as they liked. And then "when" they won (she was thinking positively) the prize would be split as a percentage of what they had contributed. I guess that the Powerball prize was up high enough that it must have come up as a topic of conversation yesterday.

In accordance with my long standing principles, I did not participate. I was the only person in the office (there's a whole 8 of us) who did not participate.

Green eyed monster.

8/31/08, 6:04 PM

I am envious of anyone else who is in a relationship. My cousins boyfriend came here today. Somehow they've been together for 4 years or something, at least. We've never actually met him before, aside from my aunt, her mother, and Grandma. But even just from what I'd heard I wasn't impressed. He's definitely not the brightest tool in the shed. Didn't go to college, maybe for financial reasons but then just doesn't seem the type. Reminds me more of the rather stereo-typed red-neck ideas.

God I am such a snob in my thinking.

Be here now.

8/31/08 5:37 PM

This afternoon I pulled on a long sleeved shirt, dug out my hat, searched out an appropriate blanket and spread it out on the lawn so I could bask in the sun. 100% of my skin covered of course. Go figure. But it was, with a breeze, too cool to sit out in the shade, and the out doors is so much better than holing up inside, dispute the burn issues.

But stretched out there enjoying the opportunity to be lazy and carefree in between my reading my mind drifted off. I started thinking on formulation my own perfect little scene. One of many no doubt.

It consisted of myself and my significant other, a handsome and dashing example of masculine beauty no doubt. And in the picture we are both just laying there. Not necessarily actively together, or maybe one head resting on the others lap. But together there we are each reading.
Each in our own space, our own little worlds, drawn up through the words on the pages. And yet so completely together in the quiet comfort and easy gentleness of the scene.

Do you think such a thing could ever be possible? I don't know. To be so still in this world where it feels like when we are together we must be moving. Plus I'm finding more and more my love of reading is somewhat an anomaly.

Maybe someday.

The rest is silence.

8/31/08, 5:30 PM

People have lake houses as places to escape away and enjoy the peace and quiet, right? Well then why is it that a tiny lake is surrounded by a multitude of houses that are barely a few hundred feet apart form each other. Any ones noise will travel around and across to intrude upon everyone else. The children being children, teens being obnoxious, someone vacuuming, and the rather odd desire to drive ones motor boat around in the tiny little loop, constricted by the size of the lake, dogs, motorcycles, and on and on. Any only when you ignore all else do you then notice the simple chorus of crickets, their song drowned into nothing.

Die Another Day

8/31/08, 12:07 AM

Bond-James Bond. What is there to say. It's an action movie. And those can definitely be fun.

Mostly though I just wanted to note that I think the female villan may have been Kaylee from Firefly.

All in all I wish I could be an awesome kick ass heroine. Or even villan. Cuz even then I could kick-ass. And that would be pretty sweet.

[Edit: Nope, definately not Kaylee]

Intollerable Cruelty

8/30/08, 11:55 PM

I have now moved onto movies. Why? Because I want to. Now shut up and read on.

Do not watch this movie. Now chances are you will not. It is an old (not really, but not new either) chick flick and normal people have by now moved on. But I remembered seeing the previews on TV and was drawn in by the big name actors.

I can't believe George Clooney and Catherine Zeta-Jones signed on for this movie. Instead watch any of the Danny Ocean movies, good stuff. Or for her see Chicago, or even that more recent one about her being a chef, not at all great, but still better.

Somehow the movie managed to just loop around in these crazy spins and really go absolutely no where. And seriously the acting was bad. I can't figure out if they were for some reason supposed to have these bizzare nonsensical demeanors or if somehow the actors suddenly sucked.

All in all not worth the 2 hours or whatever it took to watch it. I couldn't believe that that was it when it finished. I kept waiting for hte 'surprise' to jump out and lunacy to make sense. But no.

Oh well. It did work as a mild form of distraction while we worked on the mailing at home...

Peach Jam

I spent my evening making and successively canning Peach Jam.

So pretty much I more or less belong in the last century and totally don't fit in. Seriously it is way too true.

TRM and I are planning to can oodles of applesauce so that we can eat it all year long. An orchard somewhere around here has apples for $10 a bushel. That means it'll even be pretty freaking cheap. All around awesome. Although even TRM is started to make fun of me for my new compulsive canning tenancies.

I see nothing wrong with stockpiling my body weight in apple sauce. The society I am surrounded by disagrees.

I'm slighly concerned that tonights second and third batches of Jam may not set up so well. It would be pretty sad if they didn't, I was planning on giving my co-workers each a jar. But only time will tell....let us hope for non-runny Jam.

The Birth of Venus

8/30/08, 11:48 PM

When I saw this on the shelf I knew I'd read about, or well seen, it on some list. And I know the famous painting and generally like historical fiction so I thought it'd be nice as like my 'fluff' read.

Unfourtionately it was rather disappointing. Like there was passing mention of but really nothignt o do with the painting. I was sad. Instead the titled worked more with themes and all.

Maybe I'm just getting tired of writing out here my book reviews, but all in all not much to say.

A decent read if you're bored. And I think that a few interesting ideas were brought up. But obviously nothing stuck with me that much.

Dune

8/30/08 11:33

I actually read this Frank Herbert Masterpiece quite a while ago (and or 2-3 weeks). I loved it! I guess there is a reason stuff becomes 'classic.' And given as I love to read fantasy, and I consider sci-fi to be an extension of Fantasy, and I consider Dune to be a sci-fi/fantasy classic. When I noticed it as I was browsing the shelves of the library some 7 weeks ago in the absence of Atlas Shrugged I figured I ought to read it. How is that for a run-on thought.

At first Dune is fairly difficult. Herbert does not give the reader any nice little easing into the world. No, instead there is a glossary of terms for introduction. I tried to read it first. But with out context it was rather pointless. So I just started reading. And at first I would look up the foreign terms, but after a bit I stopped even that. And really it's all that better this way. You just let the foreign newness wash over you. and you can delight in this amazing new place you are learning about.

The prose is also different. Maybe because it is older literature, which often seems awkward on our toungs. But I like to think of it more as an extension of such lengths to the new universe created.

There are sequels, I love me a good series. I have book 2 up with me this weekend and shall start it tomorrow. Yay.

Love in the Time of Cholera

8/30/08, 11:14 PM

I just finished reading the book Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. And honestly I'm disappointed.

The book came highly recommended. I had seen in on various lists and noted it as worthwhile literature. And Marquez won a Nobel Prize for lit in 1982. He must know what he's doing. And rather coincidentally I heard it recommended by a co-worker. On Sunday I browsed the library's website to decide what books to get given I'd finished what I had on Friday, the books were due on Monday, and I needed to stock up for the weekend. And I put this on the list. So go figure on Monday as we were working on the season ticket mailing the new education director mentioned a book she had unrecommended to her daughter, I don't remember at all how it came up. But I asked her what book and she said 'Love in the Time of Cholera." And said it in such a way that I knew she really had lied it, without her giving a description.

But anyways I was psyched.

So I started it and it seemed quite slow and didn't really get anywhere. I figured it must get better. And admittedly it did start up finally and found a, mostly stuck with, time line and series of actions.

Yet all in all I was not moved by it. It seemed like some of it was trying to be about sex. But t hen it wasn't at all sexy and didn't light upon anything new or different. In fact for all it kept bringing it up it didn't ever feel like much.

and more importantly I'd imagine it was supposed to be about love. (The word being in the title clued me in to that.) Yet I don't think it even made me feel anything at all about love either. There were no new ideas or thoughts at all. More of just relating a take that should have been exciting, but somehow was turned dry.

Plus I really didn't like one of the characters. And could never figure out if he is/was supposed to be a good or bad character. Maybe that indifference is what makes the guy a good author. The necessity of drawing my own conclusions.

I also wonder that the book may have lost some of its potency in the translation from Spanish.

No hablo Espanol.

Old School

8/30/08, 11:06 PM

Back to Blogging...old school style.

So it is a long weekend. Hooray. And I made it even longer by taking Friday off. Seriously I need to use more of my comp time next year. Anyways as with most of these minor holidays my Mothers side of the family is gathering up at my Aunt and Uncle's lake house.

There is barely any cell phone service up here. And don't even thing of the internet.

And so, given the lack of the technology required to actually blog, I am still determined to blog - old school style.

And so I find myself hand writing in a journal.

I've never been a fan of my own handwriting. It definitely leaves something to be desired. But even given that I do enjoy seeing the space fill up with those little meaningful scribbles.

I find that a filled notebook, or even just a page is akin to a work of art.

All it takes is faith and trust....

"Oh, and something I forgot! Dust!"

I had my Disney music on while I was folding laundry and cleaning my room and that song came up.

Then out of the blue I remembered how when I was little I would occasionally just wish and hope so much that I'd be able to have enough 'faith and trust' and then I'd be able to fly. I would just stand there and will it to happen. Or maybe jump around on my bed a bit.

Sadly I've still yet to manage it. I need me some pixie dust.

Join the Black Parade

Today was a good day. It shouldn't have been. But it was.

At work I have 1474 households to get tickets to. I spent too much of the weekend (aka non work time) working to put together the skeleton of the mailing. And then all day at work trying to coordinate volunteers and help to work on it plus doing it myself. I'm much better at doing everything myself, it's a flaw. And in working on it I discovered that some things seem to be missing and in fact there was a whole group of tickets that didn't print. O my. And the construction started today. Thats a mess. But my oh my how quickly does the day go by when you're just constantly working, driven, on that task and have others around you working as well.

I went to the library. My books were due, and I had managed to finish what I wanted. I went before ballet so I was on a tight time line. I got in and out in 10 minutes with what I wanted. Go me.

At ballet I'm still not at all up to par with the other girls. But it was totally a good workout. I can feel how I'm stronger and feel how I'm stretching longer. Plus she forgot her ballet music, again. And so at the end of class we were dancing to Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker. Now that is pretty sweet.


After class driving home it was dark and cool. I had a tank top on and rolled down the windows and turned up the radio. It was similar to how I used to love to ride home after RHB gigs. I've not been playing now but dancing is still an art and I'm still getting better and feeling good about it. I suppose it's my new thing. One of many I'd say. But this is closer to what I used to do.

As I was closer to home My Chemical Romance's The Black Parade came on. I love that song.

We'll Carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches on
Do or die, you'll never make me
Because the world, will never take my heart
Go and try, you'll never break me
We want it all, (we'll carry on)we wanna play this part
Do or die, (we'll carry on)you'll never make me
Because the world, (we'll carry on)will never take my heart
Go and try, (we'll carry, )you'll never break me
We want it all, (we'll carry on)we wanna play this part.

Full of fate.

I was randomly trolling through Craigslist, because for some reason this amuses me to no end. When I came across this little gem:


Needless to say I was quite amused. So I obviously looked it up a bit. And pondered a bit. And finally determined that no, I could not do this as a second job. The whole probably need to work during the day and conflict of interest thing posed difficulties given my full time gig.

So that was how I ended up once again (I've done this before) poking around the Hershey Symphony's website and wishing I could be playing in an Orchestra again. Then I found in an outdated list of press releases announcements of what seemed like open auditions in the August months (of 2005 and 2006, but hey).

I got up the nerve to send a simple question "are you holding auditions this year?". Turns out they are holding auditions Thursday 9/21 (aka next Thursday). "Please let me know if you would like to schedule a time as well as what instrument you play."

Hell yes I would like to audition. Please oh please let me in!

I responded with a bit more dignity: "I would be very interested in auditioning if you are accepting flute players. What should be prepared for an audition with the HSO?"

[Wow now I can't believe that I actually typed "HSO". They totally shouldn't go by that acronym being as we are the HSO and we are definately the big fish in this region.]

The old releases say Candidates should be prepared to play a short solo in the recognized orchestral repertoire for their instrument, scales and have an ability to sight read.' but I figured it can't hurt to ask. I was thinking about the possibilities and the music that I have/what I know. Then I was comparing that to the standard flute orchestra repertoire and I was thinking many things such as maybe Prelude to the Afternoon of a Fawn because I know it and worked on it a good bit last year. And Peter and the Wolf is common and awesome, but I've not actually played it so I was looking on you tube just to review over the music. And I found this :



I already know the Debussy and the Prokofiev is damn impressive. Let's hope I can learn it quickly. And that I still know my scales. And that I have tone.

Realistically I am jumping way ahead of things.

First let us hope that they have an open flute position.


"There are no little events in life, those we think of no consequence may be full of fate, and it is at our own risk if we neglect the acquaintances and opportunities that seem to be casually offered, and of small importance."