Things fall apart.

My life has been depressing me lately.

It started with me doing nothing but working. We had two concerts in a row and so for those of us who didn't take any days off (turns out only being 2 of us) we worked 19 days in a row with no days off. That includes 3 days that ran somewhere around 12 hours between time left house for work and time returned from work to go to bed. It's freaking crazy.

So that really made me feel like my life was pretty pathetic. Then to add to the stress of the situation I've hardly seen TRM. She was nearly living over at her boyfriends house. And being as she is the only friend that I have within a 30 minute drive, and only friend that I ever hung out with like ever recently - it was kinda sad that she wasn't around so much.

Then she took the cats over there too. And like didn't bring them back like she had done before. No friends in the house for me at all. Therefore for the few hours that I actually was home I was pathetically alone. *sigh*

This Tuesday the bomb was dropped. I talk to her on googles chat thing during the work day. We like to complain to each other. It helps us from not killing our respective patrons/customers and or co-workers. She wanted to know if it would be ok if we no longer did the 'the house spilts the cost of groceries' thing anymore. Before now she did all of the shopping and cooking - it was kind of insane but as far as I can figure she enjoyed it, so I wasn't going to argue. It makes sense because she was buying, paying a portion of, and preparing stuff and then wasn't around to eat it. I'd just been going along with it and not questioning it. Plus really I think that her non-aroundness wasn't nearly so intense as it became in the last 2 weeks. So anyways I said that would be ok because fair things are only logical to me.

But it started me on the path of 'holy crap' this is the beginning of a progression of events that very much changes how I've been living the past two years. I asked if she was planning on moving out "yes". Now thats all well in good except that she owns this freaking house. "Planning on selling the house?" Well not anytime soon, but eventually. *double sigh*

I also asked her if she was going to marry him. Because well sometimes I'm subtle like that, and hey it's how I think.

me: indeedi was going to say 'are you gonna marry him?'

TRM: I think so me: holy crap

TRM: no guarantees

but

me: damn all of you peoples

Seriously I'm quite familar with the idea that I need to be happy for her. But gosh darn it it bothers me whenever I see friends/people my age actually like getting married and all that jazz. I totally can't come to terms with it yet.

There are actually at least a dozen topics that roll through my mind as "ought to be explained further" as I write this. But I suppose it works for a readers digest type version.

Things, they are a'changing. Now if only I can convince myself that change is not bad...


"Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold"