I'm fine.

It seems to me like our modern society tells us that: in public emotions are to be kept reigned in. One is supposed to go around happy, but not too happy.

There is this one board member at work. He's a really great guy and the kind of person that you'd want to know and can't help liking. Whenever he calls the conversation is exactly like this:
Me: Harrisburg Symphony Carlin speaking.
Him: Hi Carlin this is how are you today?
Me: I'm fine and how are you?
Him: I'm spectacular. I was wondering if.....

The man is always 'spectacular' (I exaggerate, he's been 'great' a few times too). And just the way he says it, and the way he acts, he is just so damn positive all of the time. Around the office being 'spectacular' is a bit of a joke. Everyone likes the idea of such positivity, but in reality it makes us feel weird.

A while ago I read what I thought was a really fascinating article. It was about how in our society we've gotten to this point where we think we have to always be happy or something. I mean how many people are on drugs or depression and all kinds of things. A range of emotions is completely normal, after all one needs both sides of anything in order to appreciate any extreme. But we've taught ourselves to choke back and hide any negative feelings and present a positive image.

On average how many times do you think you are asked the question "how are you today?". I know I hear it a lot. Some patrons who call ask it, which always baffles me: Why the heck do you care? Just get out whatever it is you want so I can get on with my work. So i nearly always respond to them "I'm fine". It's a frequent question from co-workers, after all I sit at the front desk so everyone passes me early in the morning. Occasionally if I'm feeling strong enough about something I'll add a bit of detail. The past two weeks have had a few "I'm sick" responses. But still the typical is "I'm fine". Friends and family ask. They might actually get a 'real' response, a description of the ups and downs of the day, the emotional roller coaster that is life. But often times I can't be bothered with trying to fit the big picture that is how I am into words and come up with something slightly descriptive but non-committal like "I'm still here". And all too often I'm still "fine."

"Sometimes when I say 'oh I'm fine', really I want someone to look me in the eye and say, 'tell the truth'."