Going nowhere quickly.

The phone is not ringing. In fact it has only rung like three times in the past hour. This is rather quite a miracle as of late. I relish in the silence.

Except that now I’m kind of bored again.

Basically I’m never happy. I was trying to decide if it were possible that I would ever really be truly happy/content. The way I am now I don’t think so. But little one said that I would. So I put her in charge of having hope for that. Although she did bring up a valid point; I could change. Yes, change is possible. Is it probable? I don’t think I’ll hold my breath. In general I don’t like change and I’m really not much inclined to fix my negative disposition.

Sometimes it seems very strange to me that I really do have such a negative disposition (or black little heart which ever you prefer) because it so many ways it seems like that goes against the essence of me.

I am so scattered today. I have no focus and I can't even manage to write anything decent. I've just had so many things going through my mind recently. It's pretty crazy.