DNR

I am, and have been for a while, a faithful Grey’s watcher. Now there have most certainly been times when I miss episodes, but ABC is pretty awesome about posting old episodes online. And so I have been able to keep up. In fact now that I watch it TRM has ended up being drawn in…..the explanations of some of the back stories are pretty much awesome. They display how ridiculous the show is – gotta love it.

But anyways last night’s episode got me thinking about some things:

First and foremost I’d say the dominant theme of the hour was taking the emotion out of thought. A new character, a Doctor, has Asperger’s. And so when a 16 year old girl is left brain dead from a car accident she experiences none of the emotional agony shared by everyone else, particularly the girl’s family. Instead she focuses on the benefit that the girl’s young healthy organs have the potential to save many other lives.

For most people this seems incredibly cold and callous. In fact TRM reacted in such a way. Personally, I definitely felt the shock, but it’s the facts. Dr. Dixon has the special ability to not get caught up in the emotional tangle that might halt the rest of us. For her she could immediately see past what was done and move on to what was best for the future.

Personally I know that if I was ever “the body” in such a situation I would want them to use my body in such a way to do the most good for other people. I’ve always believed that a body is just a body, some bits of organic matter strung together in such a way to propel me through life.

Actually if you really want to get into the matter I’m not particularly beholden to tying myself to life. Everyone knows Hamlet’s “To be or not to be”. And hopefully you know that the speech is debate on suiside and the will to live or to cast oneself to death. Hamlet’s hand is stayed because “To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: aye, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come”. Most people are afraid of death because it is the unknown. Personally I am much more of the mind that “To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd.” But I’m pretty sure I’m quite abnormal.

Really what ties me to life is the emotional connections with others. I do love my family in my friends. Quite a bit in fact. It would, and has, hurt a lot to loose any of them. And given that my own experiences are the only way that I can truly anticipate things existing, I assume that if I were to die those I love would feel the same. Now given that I’d never want to hurt those I care for I’m perfectly willing to “suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”. Plus there are some perfectly good and enjoyable things about life that I can take in.

Looking back at the story line from last night they put the girl on life support so that her family could have a chance to say goodbye. And being as it is a television show they had to make it even more bitterly tragic. See the girl was, irresponsibly, driving herself and her little sister when they got into the accident. So they came into the hospital arguing furiously with each other. As they discovered there was trauma and wheeled her away for urgent care her sister called out in frustration “I hope you die.”

Ouch, that sucks. And so the poor girl was agonizing over it. Not to mention the parents who I’m sure pretty much just wanted to die themselves instead of having to make the decision to let her body die.

So that inspired to here in make the following known. If I am ever in anything of a similar situation I don’t want anyone to have any of that agony. Inevitably there will be the pain of loss, don’t make it worse by wondering about the “what if’s”. Just let me go.

Instead I want everyone that ever meant anything in my life to know how incredibly appreciative for what you've contributed to my life. Those experiences are most of what makes life worth living.

But most importantly I want to leave behind the message not to mourn. It's basically a stupid thing to say because when you loose someone you can't help but feel it. Yet I am not concerned about death so no need to fret on my behalf. And as for the loss you feel, well I wish I had a better answer for that one. But in the end please just know that no matter what I loved you, I love you, and nothing, not even death, can change that.