Un-reccomendation.

Things I do not reccomend doing number 1:

Setting up a tent in ones garage by ones self.

Its pretty much a miracle that I managed to get it up so well.

You must understand the whole of life.

I have run myself into a dilemma.

Somehow it seems I've spent a lot of money this month. Well, a lot for me that is. First there was the bike, $60.74. Then random yardsale-ing $18.50. For whatever reason I finally decided to actually get a new camera battery recharger and the Kodak website sucked me in. There was a little kit on sale for $15 that included a good charger and 2 sets of batteries. It was significantly cheaper than it would normally all be so I got sucked into an additional $15 purchase of a gorrila-pod, which is incredibly fun. $8.69 shipping for the order. Plus theres still the old random and unnecessary expenses of my pot-garden,$62.92, the aquarium, $8.54, and I even splurged and took the boy to the circus, $43.60.

Thats a ridiculously large amount of discretionary spending for someone who rarely spends discretionarily. Or well I do spend some but it's generally budgeted and over half of this months was not budgeted for.

But anyways all of my spending got me thinking. And I decided that if I had enough dollars to be spending willy-nilly like that I ought to be saving more. So I decided to double my Roth IRA contributions each month, 50% retirement 50% house, so that I'm investing $200 a month. Good for me.

Then this weekend I got it back in my head that I'd really really love to take dance lessons. So I started looking up studios in the area.

At cheapest you can get an hour lesson for $10 at quite a few places. So that doesn't really seem too expensive. But then the more I think about it the more it adds up in my mind. Thats $40 a month minimum. $80 if I go the ballroom route and drag M.

And while it's completely do-able for me I still have a hard time justifying it. $40 a month for 4 hours? And what about starting up flute lessons again. Or even if I could find a piano I could work that back up. I've invested millions of more hours in music previously to be letting everything slide like I am. Or I could use the dollars and take some kind of class from the local community college. Or stash it into any of the multitude of savings projects I always have going on.

Everyone thinks I should do it. They laugh at me when I go on about all of this. But really, these things matter to me.


"You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing, and dance, and write poems, and suffer, and understand, for all that is life."

Life is like riding a bicycle.

Two weeks ago my roommate and I took the opportunity to hit up some yard sales around us. The first place we stopped had a bike. I've been itching to get a bike because J, said roommate, used to ride a lot so then I'd actually have someone to get some exercise in with. The bike seemed like it should actually be small enough for me and it was $30. Sweet deal.

*Side note: I also got 2 CD's elsewhere for $1. I'm hooked on yard sales. Last weekend I found a medium size tent (which will go well with my big and small tents) for $10, a CD for $1, and a game for $.05. Now I've got to kick myself for spending all this money on things I don't need. But it's so cheap it's too tempting.*

Being as the tires were both flat it wasn’t quite in ride-able condition but off to the bike shop it went and returned this Monday in working order. The excitement was too much and I had to try riding it.

It was scary.

Inevitably the bike is still a bit big for me. I had lowered the seat past where it was supposed to be positioned already but still could barely get my toe on the ground. Plus it’s a real street bike with tiny tires so the balance was a bit iffy.

And yet at the same time it was incredibly freeing. It’s so much easier and faster than running. I liked it.

Back in the garage I lowered the seat literally into the cross bar. And it was decided that J and I would go for a ride on Tuesday.

Now people have this bad habit of thinking that I am in shape. It stems from the fact that I am tiny and thin. However the reality is that my appearance is mostly owing to the fact that I don’t like to eat much. Given I’m not horribly out of shape. I’ve always been able to hold my own at sports like activities, but my endurance really isn’t that great. So I was a bit iffy about how I’d do at this whole ride thing. That and I was still afraid of falling off.

Tuesday came and it was all rainy and generally crappy weather, nuts. But miraculously it cleared up by evening and was literally sunny. We ventured outside.

Amusingly enough as we were headed out the neighbor on the end, a later middle aged divorcee with two cats whom J watches when she’s away, came out to talk to us, or well more accurately J. Apparently she has a bike and wanted to know how intense we were. I said I was a complete beginner and would give her the real scoop. And as we pulled out the in-between neighbor, earlier middle aged single, was returning with her dog. Neighbor 1 was heard to say “P do you have a bike?” It’s possible we shall be having end of the development almost all single, I’m the exception go figure, female, intergenerational bike riding. Go figure.

So finally off we went. We happen to live just a mile from the trail head to a city ‘greenbelt.’ And it really was awesome. Since I’ve lived here I’ve not appreciated the constant house and developed ness everywhere. So this trail was really an amazing find with its lush greengage and seemingly not in any kind of city-ness. Plus, most likely because of the earlier rain and the coolness of the evening we were practically the only people on the whole trail.

Physically I couldn’t believe it went so well. I did end up walking up 3 hills, but other than that it was fine. After a bit I’d reclaimed my bike balance and it was all good. I even became somewhat adept at shifting gears.

In under an hour we went 9.6 miles! It really did feel so good and free.

I’m excited to go out again now. The whole loop of the greenbelt is 20 miles so really I think I could be there quite soon.

It’d be nice if my butt could recover first however.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”

Cutting.

I love crafts. Any craft, I'm almost guaranteed to either have done it or at the very least be game to try. If I could spend all of my time crafting I'd be happy.

Inevitably I don't spend nearly enough time making crafts. Instead I get distracted by books or music and have to do stupid things like work, eat, sleep, and occasionally even be social. This results in me having a million (ok thats an exaggeration) little uncompleted projects and even more ideas as to things I'd like to do.

Current works in progress:
Counted Cross Stitch:

Knitted Blanket (but mines pale blue):

Gingerbread House Latch Hook:
(not a picture of what I have, I couldn't find one)

Butterfly Mosaic Box:
(an idea out of my own head so there's definately no picture on the interwebs)

SAI Scrap Book:

Plus more things that I've probably hidden away and forgotten about.


Crafts that I want to do but have not yet started:
Learn tatting:
(I've done it before but very very simplistically)

Pengin Scrap Book:
I want to make a penguin scrap book of all the fun times with my awesome friends/ members of the Secret Society of penguins. In fact I actually started this by making my own scrapbook cover and some pages, so maybe this belongs on the other list. The fabric I used for the cover:

Sew clothes:
I want to make myself a few more skirts out of a pattern that I've used before. Its incredibly simple and looks good on me. Then I also want to find a pattern for a longer skirt. And then eventually I want to make a whole dress. And if all works according to plan it'll look good and then people will say "I like your dress" and I'll be like "I made it!" And it shall be awesome.

Sew Pajama Pants:
Simplicity had a free pattern up so I told M about it and he actually said that I should make us matching PJ pants. Now I'd had the thought but figured it was too cheezy. But since he said it....

Christmas presents:
I've a number of different ideas that I ought to start working on now. They include awesome double knit scarfs, and sewn stuffed animals. Hopefully I'll have more ideas and will actually start working on them before November this year.

But most of all today I want to do more papercutting because I found the most awesome papercutings here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/37051688@N00/. Shes the one who did the paper cutting at the top of the page. I've also been entertaining the idea of using the Schwenkfelder Fraktur book to make some Scherenschnitte designs out of the pictures there.

I need to get crafting.

I'm fine.

It seems to me like our modern society tells us that: in public emotions are to be kept reigned in. One is supposed to go around happy, but not too happy.

There is this one board member at work. He's a really great guy and the kind of person that you'd want to know and can't help liking. Whenever he calls the conversation is exactly like this:
Me: Harrisburg Symphony Carlin speaking.
Him: Hi Carlin this is how are you today?
Me: I'm fine and how are you?
Him: I'm spectacular. I was wondering if.....

The man is always 'spectacular' (I exaggerate, he's been 'great' a few times too). And just the way he says it, and the way he acts, he is just so damn positive all of the time. Around the office being 'spectacular' is a bit of a joke. Everyone likes the idea of such positivity, but in reality it makes us feel weird.

A while ago I read what I thought was a really fascinating article. It was about how in our society we've gotten to this point where we think we have to always be happy or something. I mean how many people are on drugs or depression and all kinds of things. A range of emotions is completely normal, after all one needs both sides of anything in order to appreciate any extreme. But we've taught ourselves to choke back and hide any negative feelings and present a positive image.

On average how many times do you think you are asked the question "how are you today?". I know I hear it a lot. Some patrons who call ask it, which always baffles me: Why the heck do you care? Just get out whatever it is you want so I can get on with my work. So i nearly always respond to them "I'm fine". It's a frequent question from co-workers, after all I sit at the front desk so everyone passes me early in the morning. Occasionally if I'm feeling strong enough about something I'll add a bit of detail. The past two weeks have had a few "I'm sick" responses. But still the typical is "I'm fine". Friends and family ask. They might actually get a 'real' response, a description of the ups and downs of the day, the emotional roller coaster that is life. But often times I can't be bothered with trying to fit the big picture that is how I am into words and come up with something slightly descriptive but non-committal like "I'm still here". And all too often I'm still "fine."

"Sometimes when I say 'oh I'm fine', really I want someone to look me in the eye and say, 'tell the truth'."

Spring fever.

I have spring fever. Literally.

Started on Tuesday. And while we don't have any thermometer in the house I know I was running a pretty good fever. Since then I've struggled through work and in general felt like a giant slime bucket.

I hate being sick.

And to top it all off the trees outside of our house flowered this week and its supposed to hit 80 today. But instead of out soaking up the gloriousness of spring I get to be flat on my back wishing I were dead.

*sigh*

Burnt out.

Concert weekends are always rough.

I run the box office which involves both having some office hours where people can call in and then also setting up everything to run at the actual event. Concert weekends typically run like this:
Saturday 10:30-3:00 - Office hours. Sometimes this means I have free time to do whatever because really the phones don't ring that much. And then the last hour or so is always a furious rush of printing off everything and packing up and loading it all.
3-5 - go home take shower and in general really not have time to accomplish anything.
5-11 - Venue. General madness ensues.
Sunday 12:30-6 - More madness, then pack it all up.

Total result: approximately 20 hours of work and general exhaustion.

And at 8:30 Monday morning I'm back in the office again for another full week. The day after a concert is always crazy because I have to reconcile the weekend events back into our systems plus tons of patrons always call about this that or the other thing.

This two week period has been particularly insane because I'm in the middle of subscription renewals. I've not had time to breathe since February. And so much of it is so dull by now. I keep working extra hours but still can't get ahead. And it doesn't help that my brain is shutting down from exhaustion/boredom/overwork.

It's a pretty vicious cycle.